Tired

This pregnancy is kicking my ass. I am so dang tired it's unreal. I don't know what I did to make me this tired either. All I did today was go with Brian to his speeding ticket lawyer to get that handled. Since he was busted on Friday doing 97 in a 65 on the 95 and got a hefty little ticket. We then drove home and grabbed subs at Port a Subs and picked up Gizzy at the house. We then went to Sunset park and walked around and ate a picnic lunch. I am beat after just that little bit of activity.

Tomorrow I finally have the carpet guy coming. I have been trying to get someone here for over two weeks. I need to get the babies room recarpeted after the dogs peed all over it and the carpet cleaner couldn't fix it. So I have been playing phone tag with this carpet company after never getting a call when I put in a work order two weeks ago. So now finally at 10am tomorrow the guy will be here. Thank God because I need this done quick!

A hauntin in Mindy manor

I'm kinda weirded out tonight. My son has been acting strange in that he peed in his room last night and then today he tells me weird things have been happening in his room at night. Some of these things include a odd clicking like a camera taking a picture, the door stopper moving on its own, a toy turning on and off, and even a toy floating. I'm wondering what is kids imagination and what is true. This didn't come up when confronted with the pee episode so it wasn't an excuse this came up hours later when asked if anything was worrying him or bothering him.

Here is a little background on my son. He has always since the day he was born been a very sensitive child, he picks up on emotions and reacts to them very easily. He worries a little to much for an 8 year old things like being bit by a bug or even a snakes scares him to death even though he has never had an encounter with either. He is scared of being hurt and even worries about the radiation in Japan. He doesn't sleep well at night and sometimes can't concentrate on a thing. He is very hard to motivate to do anything new including tasting new foods or even reading something he's not familiar with. He will freak out if he looses a game or if you correct him on anything. His teachers liked to label him and try to say he had a disorder but in all reality he doesn't even have half the markers for any. He can and will learn if you go slow and take a ton of breaks. He is very well behaved besides his back talk rebellion which is normal at this age. He has never had the habit of lieing and sometimes is brutally honest. Which makes me wonder is this all a lie or can it really be true.

I do know over the last couple weeks at night I hear loud bangs and foot steps walking through the house but when I come out of my room it's quite and nothing is there. It does freak me out. It isn't like the normal creeks of a house settling it's stomps and foot steps and bangs. Hmm maybe my house is haunted?

PPD

So as my due date closes in on me I am becoming more and more worried about suffering from PPD (Post Partum Depression) With my last child 8 years ago I was perfectly fine adjusted awesomely for the first 8 or so weeks. After that all hell broke loose. I lived away from all my friends but had my brother close by to help. But I started to become highly manic I wouldn't sleep for days and when I did I would only sleep for a couple hours. I would sit up all night cleaning franticly scrubbing the floor or preparing meals that had to be just perfect. Then my irrational fears set in. This was horrible, I can handle the manic phase but not this. It last months and months. I became so scared of the dark I would not leave my house after sunset not even on my own porch. I then started sleeping with all of the lights on thinking that someone would break in, I even got a dog. The anxiety was crippling when it started I would feel this horrible pain in my stomach and I would sit in the middle of the floor rocking and crying my eyes out til it passed, I would do this daily sometimes more then once. I was hyper paranoid that someone was going to hurt me or that they were out to get me. When you put this with the depression it was terrible. I would cry at commercials, and always think I was worthless. It didn't help that I was in a bad relationship or that I lived 3000 miles away from anyone with any baby experience at all.

I am so scared this will happen a second time around and that Brian wont understand and leave me like my last relationship did. I know I'm in a better place now I have support and we are able to deal with things better and I'm definitely not 16 anymore. But the fear is still there.

Brian doesn't understand PPD he thinks it is just about hating the baby but I never felt like that actually I was the complete opposite I was hyper vigilant with him I loved him to tears literally. He doesn't know what comes along with PPD and how it can affect every single part of your life. Because of this he blaims the women and I am so scared to even talk to him about this. But I know I should. I just don't know what to say or how to bring it up to make him understand.

I'm going to try to take the steps now of preventing it in the future. I can't feel like that again especially now that I have 2 kids to raise instead of just a little baby who doesn't know any different. I don't want to scare my son or make him look at me differently. So I'm going to have to talk to my doctor and get a plan together. Maybe start checking out therapists and make a appointment later in the pregnancy to have someone that I can rely on mentally if things go south. But until then I should get some info together and try to educate my husband wish me luck!